My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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