If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
