Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The adults are the big ones right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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