Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
