What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
