I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
