Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
