I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
