If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Farmville is her only friend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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