Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
