you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
