If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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