Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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