Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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