Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
