I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
