So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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