well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
