Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
