i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
