Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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