I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
