we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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