And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
