did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
