Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
