My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
