so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
