Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
