And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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