I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
