butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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