I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
