Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
