Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
