what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
