So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
