a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
