is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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