No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
