we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
