I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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