I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
