So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
