I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
