Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
