I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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