oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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