Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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