it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
