Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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