I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
